Lovely, chat with insurance lady

First step to getting two lesbian pregnant, call the insurance company to confirm that we are still second-class citizens and do not qualify for any fertility treatment.  Yep, the insurance company doesn’t cover any of the costs.  Here’s a small piece of our conversation.

Me- “Hi, I would like some information on my coverage of fertility treatment.”

IC – “Of, course. Can I have your name and policy number?”

Me- Provide info

IC – “Yes, your plan covers fertility treatment.”

Me- “Great, what are the details?”

IC – “I just need a little bit of information. Have you been actively trying for 12 months?”

Me- “We’ve been actively trying for 33 years.”

IC – Laughs.  “Have you and your husband been to the doctor’s to schedule tests?”

Me – “No”

IC – “I’m sorry.  You need to get a referral from your PCP first for infertility testing.  Once you get a referral we can move forward.”

Me- “I don’t have infertility issues. I’m an lesbian and my wife and I want to have a kid.”

IC – “Oh, I’m so sorry. We don’t provide coverage for that.”

Me – “What? You just said, I have coverage. “

IC –“You have to be actively trying for a year with a male partner in order for the coverage to click in.  I’m sorry insurance hasn’t caught up with the times.  My cousin is lesbian.”

Me -  (thinking to myself) I don’t really give a f**k that your cousin is a lesbian.  Thanks for sharing.  We must now be best friends and completely understand each other.  “So, if I was with a guy. I could just tell my doctor I had been trying for a year and we would get a referral from the doctor and coverage from you.”

IC – “Yes, I’m very sorry.  I don't agree with the policy. But I do have some good news.”

Me- I don't really care about your beliefs, but thanks again for sharing some personal info with me. “Great, what is it?’

IC- “We have a new policy that allows people in your situation to do 12 rounds of IUI and after 12 fail attempts of IUI we cover all the cost at 80%.”

Me – “Thanks, but that’s a ridiculous policy.  That’s a year of failures for someone who has no fertility issues. Not to mention $1,000s of dollars. I’m thinking, I’ll be delivering a baby in 12 months. Does anyone actually qualify for that loophole?”

IC – “I’m not sure.”

Me – “Have you personal used that policy for someone?

IC – “No."

Me- “My point exactly.”

IC – “Once you are pregnant we cover the pre-natal care and delivery.”

Me- “You have to.”

Intro to our baby making ...

My wife and I were married on August 11, 2012 surrounded by friends and families in the wedding of our dreams in Maryland four months before same-sex marriage was legal.  No straight couple ever gives it any thought to where they will get married; because for them it doesn’t matter the paper work is the same.  You can get it done anywhere.   For us it mattered.  As we would soon learn, the “Separate but equal” marriage laws went way beyond the simple fact we had to preform a second marriage ceremony in DC on a separate day, surround by a separate set of people.  You know that great little health care benefit that allows married couples to place one partner on the other partner’s health care benefits immediately after marriage.  Yep, that doesn’t work for us.  We had to wait for Open Enrollment.  Neither can we file taxes jointly, place each other on retirement accounts, and on all federal forms we have to state we are single.  There are countless other issues that have come up but this blog is not about that. 

This blog is about my wife and mine adventures of creating a family and then raising one.  We brought a house in March 2013 and knew we wanted to start having children soon.  Mostly because we are old.  Not old in normal people sense, but old in motherhood starting sense.  The dread age of 35 is almost here for me and I knew all the statistics of having a child after that age.   So, to try and avoid becoming a high-risk pregnancy before even becoming pregnant, we are starting our adventures of babyhood several months shy of our one-year anniversary.  Now before, I get into the first step of how two lesbians have a baby, I should tell you that we have also decided to minimize the high cost of raising a baby.  

Since we have the added cost of creating our little bundle of joy, we want to try and cut down on the cost of all those things you need for a baby.   For us, this means collecting baby items from friends, family, yard sales, baby sales, and freecycle.  Babies need an incredible amount of ‘stuff’.   Strollers, swings, cribs, play pens, pack and plays, bassinets, co-sleepers, changing tables, changing pads, baby carriers, car seats, infant seats, booster seats, high chairs, diapers, wipes, feeding pillows, bottles, bottle racks, baby toys, baby clothes, and baby spoons. I could go on and on, but you get the picture. 

Keep in mind, I strongly believe in buying environmental-friendly products and minimizing my impact on the Earth.  Toss this belief with the idea that I also try to stay away from items made in China and buy local, American-made products.  Oh and add, that I like to limit the amount of money I spend.  Mix this all together and you get a recipe of disaster when trying to buy baby products.

I started months and months ago doing research and slowly compiling a list of American-made, environmental-friendly, must have baby products.  When I came across a product that seemed to fit my beliefs or a friend told me about some cool American-made baby product, I would add it to the list.   Probably completely insane, since we were not even pregnant, but I knew finding baby items that fit into all three of these qualifications would take time to locate.  Before I knew it, I had a list of 111 items.  Are you serious?? How can something so tiny need so much?  I won’t even share the price tag that went with this list!!!  So, I decided a great environmental way to ‘baby shop’ was to get used items.  Not only would it support local businesses and people, but also it would keep items out of the landfill and I won’t be buying a thing from China.  It seemed like a great economical choice, too!  I’ve now become obsessed with Freecycle.  If you don’t know what that is, you are missing out big time.  Freecycle is a yahoo group where people place items they do not want on the listserv. You then e-mail the person listing the item and ask if you can have it.  If the item has not already been promised to someone, you win and drive to the listing person’s home and pick it up, typically never seeing the listing person (the items are usually placed outside the door or on a porch).  It’s a little like a top-secret mission. LOL  I’ve also discovered it is a great way to get really good, barely used baby gear.  Due to freecycle and friends, we have a half full nursery already.  Items include- baby cloths, glass bottles, bassinet, swing, baby tubs, toys, blankets, sheets, and countless other items.  Did I mention clothes that have never been wore??? Lots of clothes.